I like to bring myself to a calm collected environment. I don’t want anything to deprive my happy state. Closed doors, loud music, and complete silence else where. Am I a prisoner of my own self, that I can argue for a life time. As much as it doesn’t sound or seem like, I like my own company. Blending in has always been something I sucked at until it hit me like, how about you find the beauty in your own company.
Many times I tell myself, this is not the energy you want but I look at the brighter side of it, I have learnt to take charge of flaws, set my own rules, get my own space at that, see things a little bit differently, fix my mistakes, made peace with the past. It has come in handy for me.
I remember wishing everything could just go away, blaming myself for all the catastrophes that were increasingly infringing. Crying myself to sleep every night didn’t make things better but it did make me stronger because I realised every other night that I needed to get better to get myself in better state.
On several occasions I wished I could just teleport to nowhere if only it was worth the take. Countless times I imagined myself in a much better place, far from perfect which sadly didn’t make sense at all. But hey! a girl found happiness even when all is not right, it is her pain killer.